In Which Charlie Smells A Fish and Recovers Cleverness

“Well, this is the second month that I am living my destiny knowing what breed of dog I am— half pit bull and half St. Bernard. (Click here to read what inspired the search for my ancestry; and click here to read what I discovered.) 

And I have to say, it feels a little different than I thought it would to know. I can’t quite put my paw on it, but something just feels a little bit off— like I can’t really identify with my genetic makeup for some reason. 

I’ve spent my whole doggie life wondering and dreaming about what I could possibly be, but I didn’t think that the knowing would make me feel like I’m having an even bigger identity crisis. 

Maybe I’ve become so identified with not knowing that knowing isn’t helpful. Maybe I’m just a dreamer at heart, and prefer to live with ambiguity rather than the facts. Maybe it was the longing to know that I was in love with all along, rather than the actual discovery of the truth. 

Maybe my wonderful loving family, and all my animal friends should be enough to satisfy me, and I shouldn’t be so attached to concepts and names.

And I do have some wonderful new friends of late. The squirrels, despite the fact that I used to chase them all the time, have really become so nice to me and we’ve called a truce. 

We played together the other day rolling nuts on the ground— why they were even the ones who told me about my pedigree! They ran to find me and said they overheard Jim talking to Megan, and that I’m a half pit bull and half St. Bernard.  And when Megan came running to find me, I said, “I know! I know! Isn’t it exciting!” 

We didn’t speak about it after that, we were both so overwhelmed and excited. Actually no one said anything else about it after that at all.

I think to get myself out of this funk, I should do a little research so I can better identify with my identity.

St. Bernard— okay. They can weigh up to… 180lb!? Their potential for drooling is extremely high, and they love cold weather. Oh my gosh. Drool?! How decidedly unclassy. As if I’d ever be caught drooling, or weighing that much. And the cold?! Okay, I’m not feeling a connection to this part of my ancestry. Let’s move on.

Pit bull— okay. …. Wait a minute. These photos of pit bulls don’t look like me. Not even a little bit. (Not that the St. Bernard did either.) And wait a minute— a pit bull isn’t even a breed?! It’s a generic classification. But how could I be a generic classification of something? I smell something fishy. And usually that makes me hungry, but this time I mean proverbially. 

I think…. I’ve been….had. I think that maybe… my squirrel friends pulled a gag on me. I don’t think that I am actually a St. Bernard-part-generic-classification-or-whatever at all! Which means that what I am, is still unknown by me which means that I’m not what I thought I was which didn’t fit at all. 

Which means that maybe what I am does feel like me, or more of the me that I usually feel like before I thought I was a St. Bernard part pit bull. 

And oh boy! I can’t wait to find out and you’ll have to tune in next month to find out with me. 

Until next time,